We are finally home!!!! (And I’ve finally got myself together enough to write about it!) It ended up that we were not able to come home last Tuesday (more tests needed to be done!), but we were able to come home two days later on Thursday! So, it has been a day shy of one week and I am just now starting to feel like we have sort of got our things in order!
The only word that comes close to describe how we both feel since he’s been home is overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with love, thankfulness, joy, at times fear/paranoia, doubt, can we really do this?!, “I can’t believe that’s our kid!”, and of course, Love, love and more love!
Although we are so, so, so glad he’s back home, I’m not going to pretend it’s been 100% perfect with no breakdowns and little moments of freaking out. Even though they did more tests than you could imagine(!), they were still never able to say 100% what caused the “incidents”, therefore, they could not guarantee they would not happen again. They did find that Judah sometimes has an irregular heart rhythm where his heart beats too fast (Atrial Ectopic Tachycardia, a type of SVT) and also that the “holes” we already knew were there that we are waiting to “close” are also putting extra strain on his lungs with fluid retention, so he came home on a couple new meds (in addition to the reflux meds)to correct these problems. The ride home was scarier than any roller coaster, haunted house, scary/suspense movie all rolled into one. It felt like we were both holding our breath and didn’t really let it go until we were at home (actually in the house!) for a couple hours. He is doing great though…we are getting into a little routine and Mom and Dad are trying to get the hang of organizing the normal stuff like feeding, changing, baths, etc. and the “special” Judah stuff like meds, splint wearing, the entourage he needs for his stuff when going out in public and a bazillion doctor’s appointments. It is really overwhelming to juggle all the specialists appointments, all the phone calls and paperwork: yes, I did have a small breakdown about this. It is tiring, overwhelming and if I look too far into the future to realize it is not going to change any time soon I can hardly stand it, so I am trying to learn how to take it one day at a time and train myself to not compare myself to other moms with “normal” newborns. I never want Judah to think that I wish he was any other way than just the way he was created.
With all of these overwhelming feelings, we are increasingly thankful for our “family” out here! Ever heard the phrase, “It takes a village…”?!!! This was definitely put into action this week as Judah went to church for the first time. When he was discharged from the hospital, his doctors told us that we should not drive alone with him in the car (as if we would!) so this made for an interesting Sunday morning. There was a Children’s ministry training this week, so Colby really needed to be up at the church extra early to get prepared and stay late to “run” the meeting, but we did not want Judah to be gone from home all day long, so we recruited some helpers! Colby rode to church with our friend Deanne (who was going early to set up sound/media stuff), then one of our other friends, Megan, drove our car so that I could sit in the back seat with Judah. On the way home, Deanne drove so I could sit with Judah and Megan rode home with Colby in Deanne’s car after the meeting was over! All this just for little Judah Boy…let me reiterate how thankful we are!!!!
I know I must have been a sight to see on Sunday! I had Judah strapped in front, his backpack diaper bag strapped on back and carrying his pulse oximeter with the long cord coiled up so as not to trip myself or anyone else! I woke up a bit later than I anticipated so I didn’t have time for make up or breakfast, so we were out the door, stopped at McDonald’s for oatmeal (the only drive thru in Mill Valley!) and looking less than glamorous, but none the less…we were out the door! I made it up the stairs to the balcony of the sanctuary (admittedly to avoid the hoards of germy well wishers!) and I was overwhelmed with joy as the sun shone through the 100+ year old stained glass windows, and happily worshipped along with the other Believers at FBCSF and I still cannot get over how you can be in the middle of life’s chaos and storms and find such peace, joy and rest in the Lord and in the fellowship of His followers.
No matter how overwhelmed I get sometimes, I am frequently reminded to look back at Matthew 6:25-27:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”
We are trying to be brave and put him in his “big boy bed” (aka the crib in his room) starting off with day time naps…it might take a little longer for the overnight stays! Here he is yawning after waking up from a lovely morning nap!